Some days it just doesn't happen!

I was gonna get up and do join the Saturday club run from the local cafe where I live.
The frost on the ground made me think - "it's gonna be skid city in the Kent Lanes" so I decided to opt for the off road option.
Pondered whether or not to join the cyclo cross ride with my club, then decided to join Fred on his off-road training ride.
Which bike should I use? The mountain bike would make me feel safer - the cross bike would be quicker but bumpier and, in my case, scarier.
After lots of faffing, fettling and fooling around we left the house - Fred on his slick cross bike, and I on my thick tractor of a mountain bike.
"Don't worry," he said "With all this frost the ground will be hard so you won't be that slow."
Famous last words, eh.
The ground was as hard as soup, and I was worried - I kept falling around, at one point nearly spraining my ankle. But the biggest worry, was "I'm meant to keep this bike clean for Sarah who'll be racing on it tomorrow - I'm not gonna have time to clean off all this kak!"
Fred was getting far from a training ride as he kept stopping to wait for me while I hauled my sorry ass through the trails. I can't really say I was riding.
You get the picture.

I thought we'd been riding for an eternity but we'd only actually gone from Wallington to Banstead!

So without much further ado, I cut my losses, my embarrassment and Fred's wasted time by turning on my heel and heading for home.

"I can always cycle indoors" I thought. But then I remembered that my rollers were sitting in two broken pieces in the dining room, and my turbo trainer is "in hibernation" God knows where.

So, that was my training ride for the day. Maybe I'll be luckier tomorrow.