Saturday 25 January 2020

More from a couple of my favourite poets for Burns Night

It's that time of year again when we think about poetry and/or eat haggis with tatties and neeps, and even have the odd tipple of whisky for Burns Night. I'll probably indulge in it a bit, given that I've not allowed myself to get drawn into this "dry January" or "Veganuary" fad. 

It's probably the only day of the year I'll bother to eat haggis so why not go the whole hog (or sheep even!) and throw in a bit of rhyme and verse too. 

I did this last year with my family, and my nine-year old nice really got into it. I couldn't believe she even knew some Shakespeare sonnets. Clearly I had a mis-spent childhood just reading Enid Blyton when I was her age. Anyway, here are a couple of verses by poets I like - John Cooper Clarke, and Murray Lachlan Young. Not exactly Shakespeare or even Rabbie Burns. But I think they're fun, and for once they're not even about cycling. Yes, I do think about other stuff outside of two-wheeled things!


(by john cooper clarke)

Does Superman wear blue tights
And keep away from kryptonite
Do old ladies get mugged at night
Are you the business
Do workers want a living wage
Do rock stars lie about their age
Would a tiger run from an open cage
Are you the business
Are you the fuck off business
Is my first name John
Is strangeways full of prisoners
Am I over twenty-one
Are the royal family really rich
Is Scooby-Doo one son-of-a bitch
Is Wembley stadium a football pitch
Are you the business
Did Noriega knock out coke
Did Bob Marley like the odd smoke
Was Jesus Christ a decent bloke
Are you the business
Does Oliver Reed ever get pissed
Can Chubby Checker do the twist
Was Karl Marx a communist
Are you the business
Was James Dean a cool cat
Was Kennedy a democrat
Do Hacedic men wear hats
Are you the business
Will narcotics get you hooked
Did Dostoyevsky write the odd book
Was Al Capone a bit of a crook
Are you the business
Did Buddy Holly wear horn-rimmed specs
Is czechoslovakia full of czechs
Did Sigmund Freud consider sex
Are you the business
Did Elvis ever rock ‘n roll
Did James Brown have any soul
Will I touch you with a ten-foot barge pole
Are you the business

If ya gonna go Keith (don't do it like that) 
(by Murray Lachlan Young)

What the hell did you think you were doing?
So blind that you just could not see
Not a thought for your legion of worshipping fans
When you shinned up the trunk of that coconut tree

If you’re gonna go Keith go Keith go
If your gonna go Keith go Keith go
If your gonna go Keith go Keith go
Don’t do it like that Keith no Keith no

Go in the middle of a hard blues riff
Go at the end of a smacked up spliff
Speedball death plunge, Lear jet smash
Coked up gunfight, high-speed car crash
Kohl black eyes cracked rock-n-roll skin
With your hand on the fret board, cigarette grin
Do it like a king pin Debauchee
But not falling out of a coconut tree

Keith, man, what goaded you on?
Was it Ronnie Wood? That said you should?
Or was it Elton John that you tried to prove wrong?
When he called you King Kong, did you snag your sarong?
C’mon, C’mon, C’mon C’mawn!
Keith, baby, tell us please what the hell was going on?

Cause if you’re gonna go Keith, go Keith go
If you’re gonna go Keith go Keith go
And if you’re gonna go Keith go Keith go
Don’t do it like that Keith
No Keith

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