Wednesday 31 October 2007

WAGS and cycling !

"I tried cycling in Spain but maybe my bum's too small as it just wasn't comfortable." Victoria Beckham.

"I appreciate Sheryl as a cyclist’s girlfriend, given that she will do laundry and cook food, and do all of the things that wives or girlfriends do." Lance Armstrong on Sheryl Crow (in 2005).


Her : Do you have to go off and do that race - I've been rushed off my feet here with the kids - can't you do your bit ?

Him : I thought we agreed, I'll have the kids Saturday so I can have my pass for today. You were out shopping yesterday. Didn't you get some new shoes and a Karen Millen dress ?

Her: Yeah, shopping for the essentials. It was hardly fun stuff.

Him: I promise I'll be back as soon as the race finishes. I won't hang around.

Her: Umph ! That's what you always say. Well make sure when you get back you're not bringing any grubby wheels or bike bits in the house. I'm doing a big clean-up today.

Him: Enjoy your morning - he kisses her. (When his back's turned he raises his eyes to the ceiling and shakes his head.)

Her: Good luck in your race - she kisses him. (As she turns towards the washing machine she raises her eyes to the ceiling and shakes her head.)


Her: Shall we go out for a drink tonight ?

Him: I'm a bit tired, love. Can we do it another time ?

Her: Well, it is Friday night. I don't want another night in.

Him: Yeah, but we've gotta be up early tomorrow. I'm racing.

Her: Racing, racing, why do you bother. You never win, you're more likely to crash and either damage your bike or yourself or both.

Him: Cheers, thanks for your support !

Her: Well, what about me ? I'm the one who has to stand around in the cold and rain while you race round a boring circuit or round a muddy field out in the styx. What about support for me. D'you ever come an watch me at my dance classes ?

Him: Well, I would if they were on any other night. Tuesdays is chain gang night. I can't miss that !


Her: Wasn't it great that we rode along the sea front together. And the view across the Riviera was lovely.

Him: Yeah, it was cool. ("I wish I'd ridden over the col d'Eze", he thinks to himself.)

Her: And I really like this bike. The saddle's nice and wide for extra comfort, and the handle bars are high so I feel safe and don't strain my back. This 20km/h speed limit's really sensible. Why would you want to ride much faster ?

Him: Yes, of course - the bike suits you. 20km/h, I was just thinking the same myself. (Pause.) But if we got you a road bike and we went round the Corniche further inland you'd be able to go a bit faster, and it would improve your cycling.

Her: But why would I want to do that ? I quite like my hybrid. The Corniche is hilly, I'd need all day to get up there. We're on holiday. What's wrong with going at a leisurely pace ?

Him: Nothing, nothing at all. A leisurely pace is good fun ! ("I could've done the last stage of Paris-Nice today. Bl**dy hell, all that lost training time !" he thinks to himself)


Him: Can't you ride any faster ? I thought you wanted to do a training ride.

Her: This is my training pace - I've got 21mile/hour on my computer.

Him: This road slopes downhill.

Her: I've got 165 on my heart rate monitor.

Him: I thought you said you're going well. I'm not going that fast. In fact I thought by riding at my recovery pace that would be ok for you. I didn't think we'd be riding this slow !

Her: Come on, that's not fair. My bike's heavier than yours anyway.

Him: You could've made it easier for yourself and brought the one you race with.

Her: Why would I do that ? This is a training ride, so I'm use my training bike.
Give me a break - you're meant to be coaching me not nagging me.

Him: I am coaching you. Ride with me with your lighter bike and spin your legs faster that'll give you half a chance of keeping up.

Her: Excuse me, my cadence is fine. Stop making assumptions. Even with my lightest bike I'd find it tough. You're meant to encourage, not criticise. I think it's best if I get my coaching elsewhere.

Him: And maybe we should do our own separate training rides too !


Her: How was your race ?

Him: Oh, I nearly got in the points. I got into a 4 man break early on in the race; we managed to stay away, but then we were caught with 5 laps to go. Then 7 riders went off the front in the last 2 laps, I was blocked in and missed the break. I had to work hard to keep with the bunch, I was knackered. Still, I managed to win the sprint for 14th place !

Her: Well done. (Pause). I enjoyed my race too.

Him: Oh yeah. (Pause)

Her: I got 4th.

Him: Well done; but there were only 5 or 6 women weren't there ?

Her: No, there were 45 actually, and I was racing against all categories, including elites and first cats.

Him: Well, it's always easier for women though - negative racing. No one does anything for most of the race, then it just comes down to the final sprint.

Her: Thanks for the congrats ! You never take my stuff seriously. (She storms off.)

Apparently there is a happy medium somewhere in all this !

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